Marriage is a beautiful thing.
Otherwise, why do we spend so much time dreaming about it, pursuing it and in some cases, emptying our savings or even going into debt to enter into it? There is definitely something there to be desired.
But let’s face it, marriage can also be quite messy and we may find ourselves wondering if that opening statement is really true.
I mean, one moment you’re drawing close to, and having the time of your life with, your spouse. The next moment he says or does something that is like a painful arrow straight through and wounding your heart. Or maybe you do or say something unaware. All you notice is the atmosphere changing, him pulling away and there’s this wall all of a sudden.
Somehow it doesn’t stop you from bumping heads and before you know it, you’re in a full blown, emotionally-charged, head on fight to see who can prove themselves right.
The interesting thing about all this though, is no matter how hard you try, neither of you end up feeling right.
And there’s a reason for that. You’re both fighting the wrong enemy.
The enemy of your marriage is sneaky and can be hard to detect because he thrives in and works through your habits; those ways of thinking, speaking and reacting that you’ve probably accepted as just a part of who you are.
Not all habits are bad obviously but there are particular ones that unbeknownst to you are sparking arguments and fights and wreaking havoc in your marriage. So let’s shed some light on these culprits.
1. The Habit of Unrealistic or Unvoiced Expectations
Now expectations in and of themselves aren’t wrong. There are certain things that should be expected in your marriage, like faithfulness to your marriage vows for example.
But I can’t tell you how many times I allowed myself to get upset because my husband did not live up to the fantasy and expectations I had in my mind.
Like one time I completely blew a surprise I gave to my husband simply because he did not react exactly the way in which I wanted him to.
Here’s the thing, he was thoroughly surprised and I truly never saw so much joy in his eyes. And his obvious joy was one I expected. What I didn’t expect however, was that he would share the news while not bragging on the real source of his joy a.k.a. me!
I fully expected him to go on and on about how great and wonderful a woman I was. I fully expected him to update every single messaging status and just brag on me.
But that didn’t happen. In fact, I don’t know if I even gave it a chance to happen because five minutes later, I’m angrily questioning him as to why he didn’t do what I expected. Talk about a party pooper and mood killer.
There was a lot of tension in our relationship after that, to say the least. And in retrospect, I realize that my expectations were not very realistic.
For one, how can I expect to give someone a gift and then dictate how they respond or use it?
Secondly, what I really wanted from my husband was admiration and appreciation which is fine. But I didn’t allow him the time nor the space to do it in his own way. You see although I don’t mind some public displays of affection, my husband is a very private man and much prefers showing his love for me … well, privately. And I know this!
Here’s the thing, I had never told him of my desire for him to express his love for me in any other way.
Ladies, how many times do we have a desire for our men to do certain things and we never say anything?
As someone who is naturally quiet and reserved, it took me a long time to even think of speaking up in my marriage when it came to things that I really wanted.
I fully expected my husband to “just know” without my saying anything. And needless to say, this faulty expectation has led to way too many arguments in our marriage.
The next time you feel slighted by something your husband did or didn’t do, pause and ask yourself these questions:
- What was I expecting?
- Is it realistic?
- If so, did I say anything to my husband about it before?
The best way to overcome this habit is to make a point of regularly sharing your desires with your husband. That is, keep the lines of communication open. You’ll quickly discover if they are realistic or not and will have a much better likelihood of getting what you desire over not saying anything at all.
And if you need to know what other key habits you need to develop so you can see breakthrough…
This video course and bundle will walk you through the essential habits you need to develop to see breakthrough and abundance in your life!
You’ll discover how to:
- Overcome discouragement
- Experience relief and supernatural peace
- Gain momentum in your faith journey
- Receive AND Keep your breakthrough
Hope to see you inside the course!
Always praying and rooting for you,
P.S. Be sure to check out part 2, as we continue to discover the root of all the evil in your marriage (and no, it’s not necessarily the love of money).