Getting to Know the Real Enemy of Your Marriage – Part 2

He’s not changing! I can’t believe I spent all this time praying, believing and trying everything and we’re still here. Going around this same old mountain.

I’m so tired.

How in the world can he not see how much this hurts me? He’s never going to Change!”

Do I have any other sisters in Christ who’s been down this same train of thinking as me?

I’m wondering if there’s anyone else out there who feels me. Because I was just so tired of the “same ol’ same ol'” crap … (Did I just say that?)

Until I noticed something.

Every time I thought of throwing in the towel and walking out the door (and I have, let’s just be real), I realize that it was always preceded by thoughts like these.

And the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became and the more I wanted to run. Seriously run. Researching where I would go – run. Envisioning and almost had my bags packed – run …

But God!

He always had a way of messing with “dem” plans of running to what I thought was freedom. And thankfully, He’s gotten me to a place where when I feel like running, I run to Him first. Especially before any life-altering decisions.

And just so that there is no confusion, let me be clear about my message to you here: Before any life-altering decisions, run to God first and get His opinion.

I don’t know how He does it but He always has a way of calming me down and keeping me calm long enough to see the real enemy behind scenarios like these.

And no, I’m not even talking about your husband right now. Yes, it would be nice if he would just change and if he would “just know”.

The problem with that though is that it gives him too much control over your happiness. And as a Daughter of God, you’re way too powerful for that. In fact, you’re way too powerful to allow the real enemy to continue to boss you around.

From part 1 (see link to access below), we know that it’s some kind of habit he’s working through. And this one he loves to use to intimidate you. Here we go:

2. The Habit of Reacting to Fear

Like the fear that your husband doesn’t want to change, can’t change, won’t change. That things won’t ever change in your marriage.

Isn’t that the real reason you feel like running?

Because at that moment you’re not feeling loved. Ah … love, the very antidote to this thing called fear. 1 John 4:18 (NIV) makes it clear:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

The best way then to overcome this habit of reacting to fear is to respond with love.

Now I feel you, you may not want to respond right away in a loving way toward your husband and that’s fine.

That’s why I’ll reiterate that the first thing you need to do is to:

  • Go to the Source of love, Love Himself – God. You go and you allow Him to empty you of – and drive out all the fear that is attempting to control, de-centre or even paralyze you from moving forward in love.

And you sit in His presence as long as you need to and you allow God to just fill you with His indescribable love.

Because here’s the thing. If you look at the second part of that verse, it says that fear has to do with punishment.

And the truth is, the real reason why reacting to fear is easier than you want it to be, is because deep down there is the belief that what you really want, what you’ve been praying about, what God promised you, won’t really come true.

Because maybe somehow this is punishment for some mistake you made in your life or even in or with your marriage.

So, let me just take some time to set the record straight. Even if, you messed up badly in the past, the moment you asked God for forgiveness, it’s over and done with.

The next step after you get filled up with God’s love is:

  • You go on back to that Word, that promise, that vision of what God said He would do. And you hold on to that like dear life.

This is one of my favourites to hold on to in times like these:

“God is not a man, so he does not lie.

    He is not human, so he does not change his mind.

Has he ever spoken and failed to act?

    Has he ever promised and not carried it through?”

– Numbers 23:19 (NLT)

That means whatever God says is true, is true. If He said He’s going to transform your marriage then it’s true and any time you see anything that doesn’t line up with that:

  • You challenge the fear by praising God for His faithfulness and responding in love.

Fear believes the worst-case scenario while love believes the best.

You, therefore, respond in love by believing the best. And here’s the best thing you can believe in situations like these. If God is working in your marriage (and as long as you are seeking Him, He is), then you know that just as He’s working on you, He’s working on your husband too. And your husband is simply in the process of becoming all God wants him to be.

Need to know what to do while you wait for breakthrough? 

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Always praying and rooting for you,

Jenny-Lyn 🙂

P.S. Be sure to join me for part 3 as we look at how to fear-proof your marriage, unleash even more of the power you have, and do some serious damage to the enemy.
P.P.S. Missed part 1? Read it here.

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